


The Heart of the Scientist

by epsilonAbsol



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, boy just wants to do science, haggar lies a lot in this just sayin, it doesnt end sad trust me, mildly evil matt au, pidge is referred to as katie because thats how matt knows her
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2016-08-23
Packaged: 2018-08-10 02:30:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7826758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/epsilonAbsol/pseuds/epsilonAbsol
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After being captured by the Galra, Matt is offered the chance to earn his right to go home by helping the Galra research quintessence. He agrees, initially thinking that he'd get it done as quickly as possible and he would be heading back to Earth in a few weeks at most. But there was always something new to study, something new to try.</p>
<p>And Matthew Holt was a scientist at heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey howdy hi, I'm in Shatt hell, thank you for joining me. I tried getting it in there, you might have to squint a little to see it, but it's kinda there. Warning y'all now, there's sorta? some dissection/vivisection descriptions? I don't think I got too graphic with it, but it's definitely there, so if that squicks you, be careful. BUT past that, I hope you enjoy it! (Hit me up @dicaxasinus on tumblr if you wanna talk Shatt)  
> Edit: I can't believe I forgot to mention the inspiration post for this, my bad, it was this post by the artist c-sushi  
> http://c-sushi.tumblr.com/post/149084245265/not-bad-little-girl

The first time the witch had allowed him to observe her work, Matt hadn’t even known that was what she was doing. He hadn’t been given a choice, not when a guard came into his cell and all but dragged him into her lab (or at least what looked like a lab, and seemed to have the same function as one). She hadn’t even acknowledged his presence, although she must have known that he was there. She only went about her business, which for a few minutes only seemed to involve mutilating some animal that looked sort of like a rat, but blue.

He could only watch as she cut it open, casually removing and adding body parts that Matt couldn’t clearly see. His fear didn’t come from the act of someone experimenting on something once alive, he  _ was _ a scientist after all, he’d done it himself before, but this was an entirely different situation. The first difference was that Matt wasn’t sure that it was ‘once alive,’ he was pretty sure that he’d seen the rat’s tail move. The second was that when he’d been studying at the garrison, he hadn’t had to worry about being the next subject of vivisection. From what he could tell, these aliens were not only able, but  _ willing _ , to use their abductees as experiments.

When she’d finished doing whatever it was that she’d done to it, she took a container of a strange purple liquid, and measured it out, pouring it into some well on the worktable. Then, there was a flash, and the next thing Matt knew, the witch was holding the blue rat, though now it had more than a few mechanical parts. She told it to fire, holding it so that it was facing away from herself (and thankfully Matt, though she still hadn’t acknowledged him directly).

Then, somehow, lasers shot out from somewhere on the rat’s face. Matt couldn’t tell if it was from the eyes, from the mouth, or what, but it was definitely unlike anything that he’d ever seen before.

He wanted to know how it had happened.

Although, asking, Matt thought, would be suicide. Since he was brought here, Matt was fairly sure that he was meant to be the next experiment. But also, since the witch hadn’t taken any notice of him, Matt thought that maybe he could get out of this if he just kept his mouth shut.

He was right. As the witch recorded information about the blue rat, the same guard that had brought Matt to the lab began shoving him back towards the door. Nothing was going to be done to him right then, but when he looked back right before the door closed, Matt saw the witch’s fist come crashing violently down onto the rat.

That was only the first time that the witch showed him her work. He was brought in time and time again, and with each experiment, there was another alien animal vivisected and ultimately killed. But never Matt himself. Matt was only brought there to watch, for whatever reason.

He must have seen her experimenting dozens of times by the time he finally interrupted her. It was when she was recording whatever data that she was gathering and when Matt was being led back out of her lab, when he stopped and asked, “How are you doing that?”

Everything seemed to stop at that second. The witch stopped recording data into her log, turning around to face Matt. It was the first sign that he’d ever gotten showing that she knew that he was there. The guard stopped walking, allowing whatever was going to happen to happen. Matt thought that his heart was going to stop from fear, but he  _ had _ to know. He had to know what she was doing, or even just  _ why  _ she was showing  _ him _ .

He couldn’t see her eyes, but her general expression looked almost proud, like she’d predicted that this would happen. “I thought you’d never ask,” she said casually. All the same, she waved her hand dismissively. “If you wanted to know today, you should have spoken up sooner. Tomorrow I will show you. Take him away.” She directed her last command at the guard, and Matt found himself being pulled out of the lab once more, right back to the same cell he’d been in before. Nothing had changed at all, except now Matt had the hope of getting at least a few answers.

He had no idea of what he was getting himself into.

* * *

 

The next time Matt was brought to her lab, the witch allowed him to watch the process from up close. It was just as unnerving as it had been before to watch her cut away and replace things on the lizard that was her current subject, but he had to admit that it  _ was _ kind of interesting to watch her process. Every part that she replaced or added was some kind of prosthetic, though absolutely  _ none _ of it looked like what he’d ever seen on Earth.

Each looked exactly like the part that it replaced, only metal, and with incredibly thin wires that the witch connected to nerves that were carefully exposed after she’d cut the original part away. But even with how realistic the parts were, there were some connections that she made that Matt couldn’t distinguish by merely watching, metal limbs and parts that he couldn’t identify as body parts. He felt like a child, constantly asking, “What’s that?” and “What’s this?”

To his surprise, the witch answered his every question so confidently and casually that he was positive that she couldn’t be making it all up. When she said that the reason she was putting a metal plate with ports scattered across it on the lizard’s back was to give it more protection against aerial attackers, Matt believed it. When she said that the reason she was giving it new, mechanical eyes was to let it see farther and better, Matt was sure that was true.

His biggest question was about the purple liquid that she always used near the end of her experiments. When she brought out the container of it, Matt asked, “What  _ is _ that, and what’s it supposed to do?”

She answered him, “This is quintessence, the fuel that powers the subject’s new parts. Stand back.” He took a few steps away from the table, still watching the witch closely as she poured the purple liquid into the well, which then allowed the liquid to run to where the lizard was resting. She held her hand over the well, and Matt saw a bolt of some kind of energy shoot from her hand into the quintessence, causing  _ all  _ of the quintessence to glow before being drawn into the lizard.

When the light died down, Matt stepped closer again, looking at the lizard curiously. It didn’t seem to notice much of a change in its body, only seeming curious about its surroundings. The witch picked it up, looked it over, and then looked back at Matt, saying, “Stand back and I will show you how the parts will help the subject defend itself.”

He backed away a few steps, watching from a much better angle than he’d had before, and the witch commanded it to fire above itself. The holes on the lizard’s back began glowing purple for a few seconds, presumably charging power, and then the same lasers that Matt had seen every other time he’d been in here shot out of them. The witch told the lizard to fire at a target on the opposite side of the room, and this time lasers were fired from its eyes, hitting the target dead center. She hummed in approval, holding the lizard out to Matt.

He took it hesitantly, and the lizard immediately started climbing up his arm. He held his arm up so the lizard wouldn’t fall, and Matt asked yet another question, “Why are you showing me all this?”

“Your goal on that pitiful moon was to discover unknown things, was it not?” She asked, waiting for Matt’s slow nod before she continued. “That is not dissimilar from my own goal. I want only to help these defenseless creatures protect themselves. The limbs I give them are stronger than their previous ones, and the quintessence gives them power beyond that of their predators. Wouldn’t you want to help the weak as well?”

Matt almost believed her, but the memory of the witch’s fist crushing the rat he’d seen that first time came to the forefront of his mind. If she wanted to help these animals, why did she kill them? “I- Yes, but…”

“But what? Finish your sentence, boy.”

“Why do you kill them when you’re done giving them all of this?”

She scoffed, “ _ That _ is what you believe I am doing? Fine, I will tell you why. I have not been able to find the best way to get the quintessence to the creatures. It is too much for their bodies to withstand, and even now, that creature you are holding is dying. It is a mercy to kill them quickly rather than allow them to feel more pain.” The manner in which she answered was the same as when Matt had been asking about other things, confident and casual, leading Matt to believe that she was telling him the truth. He looked down, pitying the lizard on his arm that seemed to have no idea that it was slowly dying.

“It is possible that my people are too set in our ways,” she continued, getting Matt’s attention back. “We may need a new approach to most effectively help these creatures.  _ That _ is why I am showing you this. I want to offer you the chance to help me find the best way to get quintessence into these creatures to power their limbs and defense mechanisms. Will you take it?”

Matt didn’t know how to respond. His instincts said no, he shouldn’t help her, she was one of the people who had separated him from his father and Shiro, who could both be  _ dead _ for all he knew. But at the same time, Matt had no idea what might happen if he refused. He could be sent back to the same arena that Shiro had been thrown into, or she could decide that he was worth nothing to her if he wouldn’t help her research this and have him killed.

His hesitance must have said something, because she interrupted his thoughts by saying, “If you do this, you will be helping more than just the creatures that we have here. Imagine how you will be received on your home planet, bringing technology like this. You will be hailed as a hero to the weak and infirm.”

“You mean I’ll be able to go home if I do this?” Matt asked, shocked. “The people I was with before, will they be able to come with me?”

The witch nodded, “One, yes. The Champion is already doing his part to help us, he has passed our test of strength and is being trained in combat. He will be doing his part for my people just as you are, and during the time that you are helping us find a way to accomplish our goal, he will be fighting for all of us. When you are done, you will both be returned to your home planet.”

Matt almost agreed right there, but then he realized that she’d only mentioned one person. “There were two people with me, what about the other one?”

“The elder? He has already been sent to your home, he was of no use to us here. You will be able to see him when you complete your work here.”

“Okay,” Matt said, sighing in relief as he nodded. “I’ll help you find a way to do this.”

“Excellent.”

* * *

 

On Earth, Matt’s colleagues had always joked about how he lived in the laboratories. Now, those jokes were essentially a reality. He was constantly absorbed in his work, trying to think of ways that could possibly contain the quintessence in only a single part of the body, or possibly introduce the quintessence at a dose by dose basis instead of all at once the way that the witch (Haggar, he’d learned her name was) had been doing it.

He didn’t sleep much, he was too interested in finding answers as quickly as possible. It almost reminded him of being back at the Garrison, pulling all-nighters because his work was just that fascinating. This time, however, Matt didn’t have anyone telling him to stop and take a break. Haggar seemed perfectly fine with letting him run himself into the ground.

But that was fine. Matt was left to his own devices, for the most part, as long as he stayed inside the lab. There were guards at the doors, who Haggar had instructed to get Matt whatever he might need - like more quintessence if he ever ran out of it. He’d been given some strange robes, which Matt guessed were the alien equivalent of a lab coat, and a mask that cleared his vision  _ immensely _ . He’d lost his glasses sometime between getting pulled off of Kerberos and waking up in a cell that first day, and the mask must have had some kind of property to it that corrected his sight the same way his glasses did. Matt was mostly glad because it meant he didn’t have to squint so much anymore.

Over time, Matt had been working with quintessence enough that it actually stained his hands purple. Spills happened, there was no way around it, but Matt hadn’t realized that it had a staining property like that. But the stains weren’t a big concern to him. He was more interested in getting results.

His first success came a months later, with a combination of introducing the quintessence in small doses and having some of it in compartments inside the robotic parts. His subject had been a green creature with a canine head but hooves and two tails. He hadn’t done anything as drastic to it as Haggar would have done, only giving it replacement tails that Haggar had designed (Matt hadn’t gotten around to reverse engineering that yet, so he couldn’t build any himself) and ears that would hear even better than the ones that it had had before.

He’d waited a week after replacing its parts, to see how its condition progressed, and to his delight, it seemed in just as good of health as it had been before. Better even. This was one creature that wouldn’t have to die because Haggar believed that it would be a mercy.

She seemed pleased with Matt’s progress when he told her about it, and allowed Matt to keep the creature in the lab with him.

He decided to name it Katie.

* * *

 

In the next few months, Matt had even more success, each getting stronger and stronger. There were some that Haggar took from him, but Katie and a few others remained in the lab with him, making it more like a semi-robotic zoo than a lab. There was a feline-serpent creature that he’d named Terra and given new legs and a new nose, and a creature that was mostly batlike, but with a large beak like a toucan that he’d named Commander and given new wings and eyes. It took a bit of effort to keep them away from whatever he was working on at any particular point in time, but he wouldn’t give them up for anything.

Eventually, when Haggar came to collect more of Matt’s results, he asked her again about being allowed to go back to Earth and seeing Shiro again. She didn’t look very pleased at the mention of Shiro, and she said, “I cannot allow you to see the Champion, it would interfere with his service here. There are dangerous people attacking various places throughout the galaxy, and we need him to fight against them. Without him, it will only be a matter of time before those damn Alteans make it here.”

“Alteans?”

“Shapeshifters,” she spat, like the word tasted like Commander’s droppings. “They’ll make you think that they’re someone else so that you won’t be able to realize that they’re an enemy until it’s too late. If they do make it to this place, don’t trust anyone unless they’re a Galra.”

* * *

 

It wasn’t long after Haggar had warned him about the Alteans that his lab was attacked. A few weeks, at most. Matt hadn’t even been aware that anyone was attacking at first, no alarms had gone off or anything. The first warning that he had that anyone was there at all was that Katie and Terra both stood up and stared at the door, Katie’s ears twitching and Terra sniffing the air.

Then the door opened and two people came in wearing similar armor, one white and green, the other white and black. Their faces were  _ incredibly _ familiar, but they were clearly not Galra. Besides, the person he thought that the green one looked like  _ couldn’t _ be who he thought she was, she would still be on Earth. The other one was Shiro, and if Shiro was the Champion that Haggar was always talking about, there was no way that he could be here either. These had to be the Alteans.

Katie growled threateningly and Terra hissed at the two people, while Commander perched on Matt’s shoulder like he was waiting for instruction, and Matt just looked at the two people wordlessly. He had his mask on still, and he was looking them up and down, trying to figure out a plan of action. Matt wasn’t a fighter, he never had been. But his companions could be, even if they’d never been trained. Matt was pretty sure that they still had animal instincts, despite their new mechanical body parts.

The Alteans seemed similarly hesitant to attack, but eventually the one that looked like Shiro took a step forward and Katie began charging forward, baring her teeth and leaping at him. In that same moment, the one that looked like his sister ran at Terra with a glowing green weapon. Terra hissed even more threateningly, running at her with her claws out, jumping over the Altean’s weapon easily.

Matt whispered to Commander, “Help Terra,” and he took off from his shoulder, flying at the smaller Altean’s head and scratching at her helmet. Matt didn’t expect his companions to do much more than distract the Alteans, but he just needed time to think of something else, or buy time for the Galra guards to get there.

Before any of that happened, Katie yelped in pain, and Matt saw the Altean’s arm glowing purple over his companion’s body. Matt’s eyes went wide behind his mask, “Katie!” He lunged forward to try to stop the Altean from killing her, but both of them seemed to pause at the sound of Matt’s voice.

Matt took the opportunity to drag Katie a safe distance from the Altean, and as he did, Commander flew back to Matt’s shoulder and Terra retreated from the smaller Altean to stand in front of Matt defensively. Matt himself checked Katie over for injuries, and he found that her leg was broken, but there wasn’t a lot he could do about that in the moment. All he could do was make sure that Katie was safe from more harm, which he told Terra to do.

As Terra came closer to stand closer to Katie, Matt stood and turned his attention back to the Alteans. The first thing he noticed was that they seemed to be talking to each other, but looking at him like they couldn’t believe their eyes. Matt didn’t like that look, but they at least weren’t attacking. “Who are you, and what do you want? I doubt you’ll find anything in here,” Matt said, trying to get them to move on to somewhere that would be more likely for them to get found by other guards, or somewhere so that he could raise the alarm himself.

The smaller Altean gasped when he spoke again, and if Matt didn’t know better, he’d think that she was about to cry. It was ‘Shiro’ who actually said something, even as unsure as he looked. “Matt?”

It was a little alarming to hear his name coming out of the mouth of an enemy, but he had to pretend to not be bothered by it. This  _ wasn’t _ Shiro, and that  _ wasn’t _ his sister. Maybe Haggar had just forgotten to tell him that mind-reading was a skill that Alteans had. “Shapeshifting  _ and _ telepathy?” Matt asked, shaking his head to try to hide fear behind bravado. “You Alteans must be great spies.”

‘Shiro’ and ‘Katie’ exchanged a look of confusion and concern, and ‘Shiro’ slowly continued, “Matt… We’re not Altean.”

“And do you  _ really _ think I’m stupid enough to believe that?” Matt asked incredulously. “I  _ know _ you’re not who you want me to think you are. My  _ real _ sister’s on Earth, and you didn’t even get her hair right. Neither of you got their hair right, you must be some awful shapeshifters.”

“We’re not shapeshifters and we can’t read your mind, Matt. It’s really us, I swear,” Shiro said, trying to get through to him.

“No, you’re not!” Matt shouted, angry with the lies that he was hearing. “My sister’s on Earth, and once I finish my research here, Shiro and I are going back to Earth. I don’t know why you’re trying to trick me by pretending to be them, but it won’t work!”

“Would an Altean have an arm made with Galra technology?” ‘Katie’ cut in, getting both Matt’s and Shiro’s attention.

Matt didn’t know how to respond to that, but ‘Shiro’ seemed to know what she was getting at. He began walking closer to Matt, holding his arm out for him to examine. Matt, of course, was suspicious of his intent, and Commander squawked a warning. ‘Shiro’ paused for a second, saying, “Don’t worry, I’m not going to hurt either of you.”

When he got close enough, Matt  _ definitely  _ recognized the Galra technology. And ‘Katie’ was right, it wasn’t very likely that an Altean would be able to get a hold of and replicate something of that quality, or at least not without major complications. Even Matt hadn’t seen something this smoothly integrated. He looked up from Shiro’s arm and asked, “How did you get this?”

Shiro looked uncertain as he said, “I don’t remember everything, but I’m positive that it happened after I last saw you. A witch named Haggar, she’s the one who did it.”

Matt was eternally grateful for the mask, it hid the myriad of emotions that were crossing his face. Disbelief, confusion, betrayal; there was no way that he could have hidden it all. He didn’t know who to believe anymore, Haggar hadn’t seemed like she’d been lying before, but everything that Shiro said made sense too, and Matt could  _ feel _ the sincerity in his voice. Someone was lying, and Matt honestly wanted to trust Shiro more than Haggar.

But what if he was misplacing his trust yet again?

Katie was the one to interrupt again, saying, “Matt, will you come with us? We can get you out of here, and I can tell you  _ everything _ that you missed while you were gone.” She sounded so  _ hopeful _ that he’d say yes, Matt almost wanted to say yes based on that alone. But what if it was all another lie?

At his hesitation, Shiro took one of Matt’s hands, and all but begged, “ _ Please, _ Matt.”

Matt fought with himself for another few seconds before finally making a decision: that if they really meant to hurt him, they’d have done it already. Besides, the Galra probably didn’t exactly advertise that they had a human helping them with their research, why would they be targeting him specifically? He wasn’t  _ that _ special. “Can I bring all of them with me?” He asked, gesturing back at Katie the dog-alien and Terra. Commander was still eyeing Shiro suspiciously, but without the order from Matt, he remained on his shoulder.

Shiro and Katie started laughing in relief, and Shiro pulled Matt into a hug as Katie the human ran forward to join them. “Of course you can,” Katie said, crying into his side. “You’re the one who’s gotta take care of them though. Feed them, take them out, clean up their messes.”

That sounded  _ exactly _ like his little sister, if a bit more emotional than he’d ever heard her. The hug was cut short when Shiro pulled away, saying, “Come on. Let’s get back to the castle. We’ve got an injured animal that needs help.”

Shiro picked up Katie the dog-alien, who only allowed it because Matt was keeping her calm, and Katie the human led them to the way they’d come in. Terra and Commander stayed with Matt, their nails digging into both of his shoulders.

Right before they left the Galra base, Matt finally took off the druid mask, dropping it on the ground for the Galra to find later. There was no going back to them now.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite being on the Castle of Lions, Matt still doesn't feel that he and his three companions are completely safe. He feels that he cannot trust anyone, especially not the people he doesn't know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so like. Y'all liked that last chapter, and I had ideas for a second part, so here it is! Thanks @everyone who commented omg I appreciate u guys. There's more angst in here, and I tried to get fluff too, but I'm like. Not great at the romantic parts no matter how much I try. I'd love some critique on that end part please and thanks! Hope u enjoy! (Hit me up for Matt Holt/Shatt headcanons @dicaxasinus)

When he boarded the Castle of Lions, Matt was struck by just how vastly _different_ it was from the Galra ships. It seemed like a genuine, honest to god _castle_ that was supposedly able to fly through space just as well as most Galra ships, if not better. Its white walls and blue lights seemed much more welcoming than the dark walls and purple lights of Galra ships, though Matt was still wary of how welcoming it seemed. It didn’t look anything like the ship he, Shiro, and his dad had gone to Kerberos in, it clearly couldn’t have been made by humans. Which led to the question of why were Katie and Shiro taking him there?

But, he’d made his choice already. He couldn’t exactly change his mind and go back to the Galra now, Haggar would know what he’d tried to do. If she’d used Shiro as a subject, Matt probably would have been next if he’d disappointed her. And now? She’d be _beyond_ disappointment and straight into murderous fury. For all Matt knew, she’d use him to find out what a human’s weaknesses were - and compared to some aliens, there were probably a lot.

He didn’t have any other option but to follow Shiro and Katie to their ship, especially not when Shiro was holding Other Katie, the dog alien. He would never leave her behind, he wouldn’t leave _any_ of them behind. He liked to think that they wouldn’t leave him either. Hopefully he was right, because if they left now, Matt would be _completely_ alone on a ship full of people that Matt wasn’t entirely sure he could trust.

Terra seemed to be able to sense Matt’s fear and anxiety. Hell, Matt could tell that she was scared too, but that didn’t stop her from headbutting Matt’s ear in what was probably meant to be reassuring. He didn’t stop looking around as Katie and Shiro led him through the seemingly endless halls, but he reached up to scratch her head in an attempt to give some of that reassurance back. On his other shoulder, Commander shifted from one foot to the other like he was fully prepared to take flight if he needed to, croaking quietly.

In the big, white halls of the Castle, they probably felt just as out of place as he did. His Galra robe and purple-stained hands felt incredibly _wrong_. Especially when he met the other people who lived on the ship.

He was sure that Katie and Shiro had alerted them to his presence, but Matt couldn’t miss the look of alarm that crossed the faces of literally everyone in the room when they saw him. Even though it lasted for less than a second on some, others weren’t such great actors. Matt wasn’t so sure he could even blame them, they were enemies of the Galra empire and if Haggar was an example of how the other druids were, it only made sense that they’d be wary if Katie and Shiro brought someone dressed like a druid onto their ship.

“Pidge, Shiro,” began the tall, white-haired woman near the center of the room (which looked like a control room from what he could tell). “What is all this?”

The first question that crossed Matt’s mind was ‘Who’s Pidge?’ But he wasn’t about to ask any questions, not after what had happened last time. It didn’t matter anyway, because he got his answer when Katie responded, her smile pretty much audible, “We finally found my brother, Allura!” She looked back at Matt, but he couldn’t help but notice how her eyes flicked down to the robe a couple times. He returned her relieved smile with a small, uncertain one of his own, that quickly returned to the one of total uncertainty once she turned around.

Shiro continued with a more complete response. “We found him in one of the Galra labs. He was told that if he did work for the Galra, he’d be able to go back to Earth. He thought that we were Alteans at first, but we were able to convince him that we weren’t. I don’t know everything that they told him, but it was too dangerous to find out everything on their ship. It’s likely that he was fed lies about everything involving Voltron.”

Voltron? Matt didn’t know anything about any Voltron. And past that, did Shiro and Katie (Pidge?) only bring him here to interrogate him? Was this just going to be another prison, like the lab had been? He could feel his anxiety in his chest, like his heart was about to explode out of it or it was going to burst under the pressure inside of it. At least with the Galra he vaguely knew what to expect. Now everything was just one huge mystery again.

Either ‘Allura’ noticed Matt’s discomfort or she wanted to be able to talk without Matt being able to hear, because the next thing she did was nod like she understood the situation in its entirety. “I see. Pidge, I’m sure your brother must be tired after being with the Galra for so long. If I remember correctly, there is a room near yours that is empty. Why don’t you show him the way there?”

Pidge lit up even more, turning and grabbing Matt’s hand so fast that he actually flinched out of her grasp. He tried to ignore the hurt in her eyes, he had one thing to say before he left. “I won’t go without Katie,” he said, looking at the dog alien still in Shiro’s arms. She’d been good so far, and Shiro hadn’t done anything else to hurt her other than what had been done when she’d been attacking him, but Matt didn’t trust everyone else here. He wouldn’t just leave her here with a bunch of people who might hurt her if he was gone.

The way Shiro looked down made it seem like he’d almost forgotten that he was holding an injured dog with hooves. “Oh, right,” he said, carrying her over to Matt. “Do you want me to carry her?”

Matt shook his head, taking her out of Shiro’s arms. “No, I’ve got her.” It was very awkward, holding Katie while also having Terra and Commander perched on his shoulders, but Matt could handle it. He didn’t want to force them to wait to talk about what they planned to do to him. It would be all the better for them to just get it over with.

“Okay. I’ll come by later with some medical supplies. She _is_ still hurt, isn’t she?”

“Yeah.” He didn’t want to say much else, so he just followed Pidge out of the room and back into the maze of halls. The last thing he heard as the door closed didn’t do much to help his confidence.

A voice that was unfamiliar to him, saying, “Well, _that_ was one creepy dude, right?”

* * *

 Over the next few days, Matt didn’t leave the room he was given. He didn’t know for sure if the door was locked, but he also didn’t care to test if it was. He didn’t want to leave just to run into one of the many strangers out there. The only people who seemed to want to bother talking to him were Shiro and Pidge, and even those visits weren’t very long.

Shiro had come by shortly after Matt had been brought to the room with a roll of bandages and a change of clothes, telling Matt that they were for him if he wanted to change out of the Galra robe. He tried to get Matt to talk about what he’d done for the Galra, or what they’d told him about everything, but Matt only gave half-answers and shrugs. He just wanted to set and bandage Katie’s leg before it started healing wrong. It was mostly a good thing that his companions healed quickly, but Matt didn’t want to have to re-break her leg if it healed wrong. Eventually, Shiro seemed to give up for the time being. He said he’d be back later, and that was one thing that Matt was confident wouldn’t be a lie.

Pidge came by more often. She pretended not to care that Matt had left the change of clothes untouched, but Matt could tell. He noticed the way she’d glanced at it when she saw that he was still wearing the robe. He didn’t mind her being there so much, she didn’t ask questions the way that Shiro always did. She just talked. She kept her promise of telling him everything that had happened since he’d left Earth, up to and including how she’d gotten into space at all. The story about the lions was a little hard to believe, but Matt was on a ship that they had called ‘The Castle of Lions.’ After hearing that story, it wasn’t hard to figure out where the ‘Lions’ part came from.

Admittedly, his suspicions had been raised when Pidge had mentioned that two people in the castle who were _actually_ Altean, Allura and Coran, but she _swore_ that they wouldn’t do anything to hurt him. Again, Matt wasn’t sure that he believed that entirely, but out loud, he took her word for it. He’d find out their real thoughts soon enough.

* * *

 He only had to deal with a few interrogation visits from Shiro before Katie was healed enough to walk around again. During that time, Matt had asked Pidge for a computer of some kind, and to his surprise, she got one for him. He hadn’t been sure that he’d be allowed to have one at all. It wasn’t much, but it was enough for Matt to be able to get a transmission feed from Katie’s mechanical ears, and _that_ was how he would find out everyone’s true intentions. Matt had absolutely no qualms about eavesdropping, he just _needed_ to know for sure what was being said when he wasn’t around.

He sent his friends out together; Katie to hear the conversations, Terra to sniff out Shiro and Pidge, and Commander to see if anyone else was coming. He hoped that no one would catch them, but just in case, he _really_ hoped that they wouldn’t get hurt. If he heard anyone notice them in the audio feed, Matt would venture out himself, but… He’d rather not have to do that.

When Katie began picking up a sound other than her own hooves against the metal floor, Matt started playing with the volume to be able to hear the voices more easily. He wasn’t as surprised as he probably should have been to find that Pidge was talking about him to someone.

“-ust worried about him. He’s not saying anything, he’s not changing out of those Galra clothes, and I don’t think he’s even come out of his room in the entire time that he’s been here. I keep trying to talk to him, but… I don’t think he’s listening to me.”

“You have to give it time, Pidge. I know it’s hard, but he must have been through a lot,” said a voice that was _sort_ _of_ familiar, but not really.

“I _know_ that, but… I don’t know… I thought that when I found him things would be better… Now it just seems like he doesn’t know who I am...”

“I know, Pidge. But you’ll get through to him eventually, I’m sure of it.”

There was a long pause.

“Allura?”

“Yes, Pidge?”

“Do you think if we find my dad he’ll be like Matt?”

There was another pause.

“I hope not. If Shiro is right and the Galra told him as many lies as we suspect, it is likely he doesn’t know what to believe. The only thing we can do is hope that he trusts us enough to believe that we won’t lie to him that way.”

“... I just want my brother back…” Pidge’s voice sounded choked up and quiet, and followed by sniffles and an ‘Oh, Pidge,’ from Allura.

Matt stopped listening after that.

* * *

 It was pure luck that Matt got Katie, Terra, and Commander back into his room as quickly as he did, because shortly after that, Shiro came by for the next interrogation session. Matt was half tempted to give him the same responses that he had been for the past couple days, but after hearing what he’d just heard… He could probably believe that _at least_ Shiro, Pidge, and _maybe_ Allura could be trusted. He wasn’t so sure about Allura though. She at least knew what to say to Pidge when she was voicing her concerns about Matt. It was more than what he’d heard from the other strangers.

“Hey, Matt. How’re you doing today?” Shiro started, same as every other time.

Matt just shrugged. “Fine,” he said, same as usual. But, different from usual, he said, “I think Katie’s tired of being cooped up. Terra and Commander too.”

Shiro looked encouraged by that statement, “So… Katie’s all healed up now?” He paused, as if making sure he had the name right.

All the same, Matt nodded. “Yeah. I think she could really run if she had room now.”

“That’s… good, that’s great, Matt. I’m glad to hear it!”

Matt nodded, falling silent yet again. He looked back to his computer, typing away for a few moments while Shiro tried to figure out what to say next. “So, Matt. I know you haven’t wanted to talk about what happened with the Galra, but-”

He cut Shiro off, saying, “They told me a lot. I don’t know if I can tell you all of it at once. Or if you’ll even be able to prove it wrong.”

Shiro stared at him in surprise, his mouth still slightly open, but he snapped out of it quickly. As he sat down next to Matt, he said, “I’m not asking you to remember everything at once. Whatever you can tell me is enough, and I’ll tell you if I know if it’s true or not.”

There was a pause, but ultimately, Matt said, “Okay. Haggar told me a lot about Galra technology, and I tested it all, so that much I _know_ is real, but… she told me that the arena was a test of strength and that you were being trained to fight for them. She said we’d both be able to go home once I finished my research.”

Shiro tensed, as if experiencing horrible memories, before saying, “The arena wasn’t just a test of strength. I was fighting for my life in there, so I guess that could be described as combat training. Incredibly understated though. And I wasn’t fighting for them, I escaped after a year. I’m sure they planned on just letting you keep working forever.”

Matt stared at the floor in front of him. If Shiro hadn’t been fighting for the Galra, that meant when Haggar had told him that he couldn’t see Shiro, it hadn’t _really_ been because it would interfere with his service. It was because he wasn’t anywhere within her reach. Matt supposed that was probably a good thing. “Yeah…” Matt said distractedly. “She said you all were Alteans and that Alteans were shapeshifters. Was that true?” There was a second before Matt seemed to realize what he said and rushed to fix it. “I mean… I know _you’re_ not and I know Pidge isn’t, but… Allura and Coran?”

Shiro nodded, looking glad to get off of the topic of the arena. “Allura and Coran are Alteans, yes. They _are_ shapeshifters, but only in a chameleon sense. Once, Allura disguised herself as a Galra, but under the armor, she still had her own features. You don’t have to worry about someone disguising themselves as me, or Pidge, or anyone else.”

Matt went quiet again, thinking over everything that he’d just learned. “I… I don’t want to talk about this anymore right now.”

“That’s fine, Matt. I’ll be back tomorrow if you want to talk-”

“Wait. One more thing.”

“Hm?”

“I... I never got to thank you for the arena.”

Shiro just gave Matt a small smile.

“You’re welcome.”

* * *

 The next few days had Shiro’s ‘interrogation sessions’ feeling more and more like Pidge’s visits. It was less of a question and answer thing and more like a normal conversation. Matt learned more about the other people on the ship almost entirely through their conversations. He _did_ still send Katie out to eavesdrop on conversations, but most of the ones that he heard that didn’t involve Pidge, Allura, or Shiro also didn’t involve him. There was once or twice when someone said something about ‘Pidge’s brother,’ but that was about it. It was mostly arguing that _almost_ sounded like flirting, but what did Matt know? He didn’t have a lot of experience with hearing someone flirt.

But once, Matt asked Shiro if he could take Katie out of his room so she could run around without being in any danger. Matt was starting to really trust Shiro, and even Commander was starting to feel comfortable perching on his shoulder. Katie would probably listen to Shiro whenever he called her to come back. At the same time, with Katie near Shiro, he could find out what he said about Matt without Katie having to sneak around. Sneaking around with hooves on metal floors wasn’t exactly easy.

The place where Shiro went after he left Matt’s room was evidently somewhere there were a _lot_ of people, because there were at _least_ four voices not including Shiro’s. It was all indistinct arguing before Shiro started shouting over everyone until they all shut up. “What’s the problem everyone?”

“The power’s out in the training room!”

“Maybe if you didn’t use it all the time, _Keith-_ ”

“Oh, shut _up_ , Lance, this isn’t my fault!”

“Well then whose fault is it, because you’re literally always there!”

“Maybe it was one of you then! You clearly don’t know how to work it!”

“Hey! Calm down, it doesn’t matter whose fault it is right now. What matters is that we need to get it working again.” Matt knew that Shiro was a good leader based on what he’d seen on the Kerberos mission, but really, Matt’s dad had been the senior officer then. Now it was just more obvious. “Pidge, Hunk, Coran, do you think you can figure out what went wrong?” There were various sounds of confirmation, one of them a phrase that Matt didn’t understand at all, but clearly everyone else did, because Shiro continued, “Great. Keith, Lance, don’t kill each other while the training room is being repaired.”

Matt was confused by his next tone, but quickly put together that he was talking to Katie when he said lightly, “Come on. Let’s get you someplace open.”

She must have listened to him, but Matt had to quickly shut down the program when the door to his room started sliding open. He couldn’t have everyone knowing that he was listening in on their conversations. Standing in the open doorway was Pidge, looking excited. “Hey, Matt,” she greeted. “Wanna learn about Altean tech?”

* * *

 He took her up on her offer to show him what she could. Although Matt had his doubts about people lying to him, if there was one thing that Matt knew that they _couldn’t_ lie about, it was science and technology. If it could be readily proven, Matt would believe it.

Pidge didn’t bring him to the training room the way that Matt had expected her to, she instead brought him to a giant hangar where there was a _massive_ green robotic lion (which Matt technically knew about but had never really _seen_ ) and a bunch of computers and wires and parts gathered together in one corner.

That was where she showed him the basics of how everything worked. He wasn’t entirely sure _how_ the crystals got their energy (something that he _desperately_ wanted to know but wasn’t sure how to start that project), but he learned how the circuits worked and connected. He also learned how the programming worked, though that wasn’t _too_ much different from Earth.

It took him about a week to _really_ get the hang of it; a week that was full of short, scattered, restless naps. But he got it, and that was the important thing. He wasn’t confident enough to think that he’d be able to fix anything as quickly as Pidge or anyone else who had been here longer than he had, but if he had time, then he’d be able to do it.

He wanted to do something, help keep the ship running smoothly or something. Staying in his room most of the time was driving him insane, but at the same time, he was scared to go out and run into someone he didn’t already know. He felt pretty sure that they wouldn’t go out of their way to do anything to him, but he was pretty sure that some ex-druid doing anything to the circuitry of their ship would drive them to start questioning him. Anyone who wasn’t Shiro or Pidge probably trusted him just as little as he trusted them.

His solution? Leaving his room solely at night.

The halls were long and the lights were dimmed when people were supposed to be sleeping, but that was fine. It was no dimmer than his lab had been, and his eyesight was already pretty bad. It couldn’t make it _that_ much worse. There were noises every now and then echoing from places around corners, but those only made Matt panic a little. It was fine.

For almost two weeks, Matt performed little fixes, ones that hadn’t quite been noticed as problems yet. He wandered the halls at night, looking for something that _might_ need fixing, but not one that would be too difficult for him to figure out. Then he’d run the risk of making one problem even worse, and they’d think that he was trying to sabotage their ship.

Mostly it was just the small energy crystals being jarred slightly out of alignment and all Matt had to do was gently nudge them back into place. Other times, Matt had to look at another piece of machinery that was working perfectly in order to figure out how the wires were meant to connect. It didn’t usually get much more complicated than that.

Those two weeks were just as sleepless as the one that he’d spent learning how to manage the technology. He didn’t want anyone realizing that he was doing anything for fear of them telling him to stop, but he also couldn’t just sleep through the times when Pidge and Shiro came by to talk to him. He kept telling himself that he’d sleep later, he’d sleep later, but then he’d end up taking a three hour nap in the middle of the day, only to be woken by nightmares he could never remember. He didn’t need sleep, he told himself. He’d be fine.

* * *

 He had been fine. Or at least he had been right up until his late-night wanderings brought him to a room larger than what he was used to seeing, even in the Castle of Lions. It was wide open, and with most of the lights out, the shadows only receded where the light from the hall filtered in. It was more than a little ominous, but Matt wanted to make sure that everything was alright in there too.

After propping the door open with a shoe to keep the light, Matt moved one of the panels on the wall to see the inner mechanisms of the castle. At a glance, nothing appeared to be out of place, but there was one tangle of wires that Matt thought looked strange. It looked like there was something there that shouldn’t be, like an extra wire had gotten tangled in the others and made a connection where there shouldn’t be one.

Reaching in, Matt carefully untangled the knot, disconnecting them if it seemed like there was no other way to get them unstuck. He was fully prepared to run if he accidentally set off some kind of alarm, but he was relieved to find out that there wasn’t one. It was fairly easy, actually, and by the time he was finished, it seemed like it at _least_ wasn’t worse than how he’d found it.

He got up, turning to go back to the door and retrieve his shoe, but stopped short when he saw a red light shining where he’d been _sure_ that there had been only shadows. He didn’t know what it was, but as a general rule, red lights usually weren’t _good_ signs. Cautiously, Matt kept moving towards the door, keeping his eyes on the red light that seemed to be following his movements. It was only once he got to the door and slid his shoe on that the red light started moving, running at him faster than Matt could have expected.

As it ran out of the shadows, the white walls of the Castle of Lions became the purple ones of the Galra ship, and whatever that red light had been became Shiro, attacking him out of nowhere just outside of the arena. He felt paralyzed, even as the pain in his leg (which felt _very_ real) returned. It was somehow accompanied by a pain in his head, and distantly, Matt thought that he heard someone shouting that wasn’t just ‘Shiro’ screaming for blood.

This time, however, when the guard pulled Shiro off of him, he heard him shout, “MATT!” And suddenly the walls turned white again, and while Shiro _was_ there, he wasn’t trying to kill Matt anymore. Instead, there was a white robot lying uselessly on the floor, and Shiro was looking at (looming over) him with concern. “Matt, are you alright?”

He wasn’t alright. He felt so far from alright, he couldn’t _breathe_ , he couldn’t _speak_ , he didn’t know what had even just _happened_. He tried to bring his legs in, make himself small, but when he moved his left leg, it hurt just as much as it had after the real event. He almost wanted to ignore the pain and curl up anyway, but he felt a hand on his shoulder and Matt jolted away with a panicked cry.

If Shiro was hurt by that, he didn’t let it show. He just pulled his hand back and instead looked at Matt’s bad leg. “I’m sorry I didn’t get here sooner. I came when I heard sounds coming from this way, but I guess that wasn’t fast enough.” Matt didn’t respond, trying to control his rapid breathing, and Shiro continued, “That was one of the robots that we use to spar. I don’t know what level it was, I canceled the simulation as soon as I got it off of you.” He paused for a second before asking, “You didn’t call it out intentionally, did you? What are you doing out here?”

Matt shook his head, looking away. He was hugging his right knee to his chest, his left hurt too much to move. Despite the adrenaline that was coursing through him, he could at the very least breathe again, and talking was just hard, not impossible. “N-no… I didn’t even know what room that was,” Matt said with a small voice.

Matt could feel Shiro looking at him, and it felt like he could see right into Matt’s soul. But his voice wasn’t angry or even stern when he said, “That doesn’t tell me why you’re out here. Shouldn’t you be asleep?”

“Shouldn’t you be?”

“Fair point,” he said with a short chuckle. “But I think it was probably a good thing that I was here anyway.”

There was a long silence as the fear and adrenaline left him, and the only sound left was the sound of their breathing. The difference as Matt’s breathing reached a normal pace again was audible, and Shiro asked, “Better now?” When Matt nodded, he continued, “Do you want to tell me why you were out here so late?”

Matt didn’t answer for a little while. He felt like a child who had been caught being out past his bedtime. Shiro had almost started trying to get Matt’s attention again, but Matt started talking before he could say anything. “I don’t know… I didn’t want to be in that room anymore. And I didn’t want to just be doing _nothing_ anymore, but I also didn’t want to run into anybody I don’t know, so… I’ve been going out at night. Fixing little things, like flickering lights.”

“Really?” Matt nodded, still not making eye contact. “You’ve been doing a pretty good job then, I don’t think anybody’s noticed you. How long have you been doing it for?”

“A couple weeks.”

“And how late is it when you go back?”

“... I don’t know. Usually I go back when I hear someone coming.”

“You’ve been staying up all night?”

“I guess.”

“Matt, you need to sleep.”

“No, I don’t, I’m fine.”

“Yes you do, you look exhausted.”

“If I have to sleep then so do you. I wasn’t the only one up this late.”

“You’ve been up late for the past few _weeks_ though, so you need it more than I do.”

“How do I know you haven’t been staying up? Maybe you’re just saying that to get me to go,” Matt said, looking at Shiro suspiciously. When Shiro couldn’t find a response, Matt’s lips quirked up in a small, tired but satisfied grin. “Gotcha.”

Shiro chuckled at that, “Yeah, you got me. Come on, there’s no way you’re walking on that leg back to your room. I’ll carry you there.”

“Wait, what?”

“I’ll carry you. Don’t worry, I won’t drop you, I promise.”

Matt moved to try to stand, but his leg protested and he had to stop. Of course, knowing that he _couldn’t_ walk on his own didn’t make it any less awkward to have to be carried. “...Okay.”

Shiro picked him up with more ease than Matt would have thought (because really, he knew Shiro was strong and Matt hadn’t really eaten much recently but this was _ridiculous_ ). He didn’t even seem to be struggling at all. The conversation died for a little while, but as they neared Matt’s room, he said, “Um, just a warning. I don’t know what Katie, Terra and Commander will do when we get back. Terra might jump and Katie might try to headbutt you, and neither of them are really weak, so… Yeah.”

“Okay. That’s fine, so long as you’re okay with Terra climbing onto you. That’s one of the only places she’d be able to sit.”

“Yeah, probably,” Matt said, smiling softly. It was really starting to hit him just how _tired_ he was, and the thought of curling up with Katie and Terra was really an inviting one. Hell, if Matt wasn’t fighting to stay awake, he would probably be falling asleep right in Shiro’s arms. They felt so secure and safe, more than any kind of bed.

“Alright, here we are,” Shiro said, pausing for a second outside Matt’s door. Matt came out of a haze of half-sleep, responding with a mumbled, ‘okay.’

When they entered, it was almost exactly like Matt had predicted. Terra darted up to Shiro and climbed up his leg until she reached the level of Matt’s chest, and proceeded to sit on Matt, staring up at Shiro almost accusingly. Katie stood a little farther away, barking at him, and Commander flew up to Shiro’s shoulder and started preening his hair for him. Matt actually had to wave him away to get him to stop. “Sorry. I don’t like leaving them alone, but they get loud in the halls.”

“It’s fine. I think they’re just worried about you.”

Matt hummed in agreement as Shiro carefully avoided the obstacle that was Katie in order to get to Matt’s bed. He put Matt down, starting to turn to leave, probably thinking that he was already asleep. Matt was watching him though, and before he could get far at all, Matt asked, “Do you have nightmares?”

Shiro froze, slowly turning back around to look at Matt in surprise. Matt continued, “I mean, I do, so… it kinda sucks to wake up and have nobody, you know? I’ve got these three, and they’re _great_ listeners, but it’s not the same as having person who at least sort of knows what you’re talking about.” Shiro just kept staring at him, and Matt started feeling a little awkward, but forced himself to finish. “So, uh… what I’m saying is… do you want to stay here? You might sleep better, I don’t know. If you don’t want to tha-”

Shiro was the one to cut him off that time. “No, no, you’re right. It might help. I just… I don’t want to hurt you even more by accident.”

“I’ll be fine. I was the one who offered, I’ll take the risk.”

Shiro looked hesitant, just like Matt probably had when Shiro had first begun carrying him, but also like Matt, he ultimately agreed. Matt shifted over on the bed, and once he felt Shiro’s weight next to him, he finally let himself fall asleep.

For the first time in a long while, Matt slept the rest of the night.

* * *

 Matt kept to himself for the next few days, still accepting visits from Shiro and Pidge, but still denying their invitations to meet the other members of their team.

Until one day, he eventually accepted.

He had finally abandoned the druid robe, and wore the change of clothes that had been offered to him when he’d first arrived.

“Hi,” he said, as he walked into the bridge, Shiro and Pidge standing on either side of him. “I’m Matt Holt.”


End file.
